


Phone Tag

by shadowen



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Nick Fury gives no fucks, Texting, Tony is an asshole, Voicemail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 12:37:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowen/pseuds/shadowen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One misunderstanding and a few missed calls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phone Tag

**Author's Note:**

> I crack myself the actual fuck up.

**new voicemail 08:47 AM**  
from: Pepper Potts  
  
Hi, Phil! It’s Pepper. I don’t know if you’ve got time this morning, but I wanted to let you know that the lawyer has everything ready to go. I’m heading down there now to make sure the papers are in order, and if you wanted to meet me there, we can get it taken care of today. If not, I’ll just see you later. Let me know. Bye!

**new voicemail 09:03 AM**  
from: Phil C.  
  
Hi, Pepper. Sorry I missed your call. Thanks again for your help. I’m on my way now. See you in ten.

**new voicemail 10:17 AM**  
from: katniss  
  
Hey, Stark. It’s Barton. Listen, I, uh, kinda need a favor. There’s something.... Okay, well, I need to access CCTV feeds without going through the SHIELD network, and I don’t know if.... I mean, I know you can do it, so.... Just let me know, okay? Thanks.

**new voicemail 10:24 AM**  
from: NUMBER UNAVAILABLE  
Goddamnit, Barton, stop screening your damn calls. Yes, I will help you spy on your husband, because I am a nice guy. And in exchange for me being a nice guy, we’re going to have a nice long talk about trust issues. I’m in the lab. Bring booze.

**new voicemail 10:47 AM**  
from: katniss  
  
Your number is blocked, you asshole. Of course I’m gonna screen the damn call. On my way. And I’m not bring you liquor.

**new voicemail 11:30 AM**  
from: Nat  
  
You never pick up your phone. Where are you? Call me.

**new voicemail 11:52 AM**  
from: Natasha Romanoff  
  
Hi, Steve. It’s Natasha. Listen, this is strange, but have you seen Clint around? He seemed off this morning, and I haven’t been able to get a hold of him. Nothing’s wrong. Just wondering. Thanks.

**new voicemail 12:13 PM**  
from: ROGERS  
  
Hello, Nata- Agent Romanoff. This, uh, this is Steve Rogers. I’m very sorry I missed your call. Sometimes the phone gets switched t- well, anyway. No, I’m sorry, I haven’t seen Agent Barton today. Have you asked Agent Coulson? I mean, I’m sure you have. That would be the logical first step, so I’m sure... anyway. I’ll definitely keep an eye out for B- for Agent- for, uh, for Clint. I, uh, I hope everything’s alright. Is there anything I can do to help? Talk to you soon. Bye.

**new voicemail 12:20 PM**  
from: Natasha Romanov  
  
Coulson, where are you? Call me.

**new voicemail 12:22 PM**  
from: Natasha Romanoff  
  
Hi, Steve. No, everything’s alright. Are you free for lunch? I’ve got some time, and I’d like to get out of the base for a while. Let me know.

**new voicemail 12:31 PM**  
from: ROGERS  
  
Natasha! Hi! Damnit. This phone, I swear. Um. Yes. Hi. I’d love to have lunch with you. That would be wonderful. I, um, I guess I’ll meet you somewhere? I’m at the tower. I don’t... well, no, you’re on the base, obviously. I’ll just, uh, yeah. I’ll meet you somewhere. Or I can pick you up. Whichever you prefer. I guess just call me back and let me know. I’ll, uh, heh. I promise I’ll pick up, this time. Oh! This is Steve, by the way. Obviously. See you soon. Bye.

**new voicemail 01:14 PM**  
from: Dr Bruce B.  
  
Hi, Pepper. It’s Bruce. Sorry to bother you, but, well, there’s a minor situation here. Nothing serious. Or, not yet, at least. It’s just that Tony and Clint are in the data lab, and I think they might be hacking into the Homeland Security database. Which, I mean, normally it’s best to just stand back and hope nothing explodes, except that I need to use that lab, and Tony’s locked it down. He said they’re doing ultra secret spy stuff. Anyway. It’s not a big deal, but if you have thirty seconds just to tell him he’s being an asshole, I’d really appreciate it. Thanks.

**new voicemail 01:20 PM**  
from: star spangled menace  
  
Tony, this is Steve. Is everything alright? Bruce just called to say you’ve barricaded yourself in one of the labs? Please call me back and tell me you’re not about to start another world war. One was more than enough for my lifetime. Please.

**new voicemail 01:24 PM**  
from: Nat  
  
Oh for.... Pick up your phone! What is going on? Call me.

**new voicemail 01:29 PM**  
from: my favorite  
  
Tony, stop being an asshole and let Bruce use the lab. And please stop whatever it is you’re doing. I don’t care how interesting or important it is. Just stop. Please.

**new voicemail 01:42 PM**  
from: Phil  
  
I don’t know what you’re doing, but please be careful. If it was Stark’s idea, run away now. And please, at some point today, pick up your phone. See you soon.

**txt from Clint 01:47:05 PM:** what’s in Connecticut?

**new voicemail 01:50 PM**  
from: Phil  
  
God, Clint, for once just pick up the phone. How do you know about that? Please don’t.... Look, I’m on my way back, now. We can talk when I get there.

**new voicemail 02:01 PM**  
from: my favorite  
  
Anthony Stark, I love you, but you’re a real jerk. This was supposed to be a surprise, and you’ve ruined it. I don’t know how you even knew, but you’ve ruined it. I’m on my way back, and we are going to have a talk.

**new voicemail 02:18 PM**  
from: NUMBER UNAVAILABLE  
Did you know about the house in Connecticut? What am I saying, of course you knew, and you’ve been holding out on us, Agent Romanov. Well the cat’s out of the bag, now.

**txt from Tony Stark 02:26:03 PM:** why are you with romanov? are you on a date? should i be jealous?

**txt from star spangled menace 02:29:37 PM:** Having lunch. None of you business. Colsen bought house?

**txt from Tony Stark 02:31:02 PM:** coulson bought a house in new haven!!! saw pics. man has taste. barton doesn’t know. thinks something else is going on.

**txt from Stark 02:34:41 PM:** you need to get your hot ass back here or your husband and my girlfriend are going to kill us both

**new voicemail 03:38 PM**  
from: Phil  
  
Where are you? Please call me.

**new voicemail 03:42 PM**  
from: Nat  
  
Clint, where the hell are you? Coulson’s started pacing. Look, whatever you think is going on, isn’t. So just call somebody. Please.

**new voicemail 03:57 PM**  
from: NUMBER UNAVAILABLE  
Stop screening your fucking calls and answer your damn voicemail! You’re being all suspicious, and I’m the one getting the riot act back here. No more favors for you, Barton. I’m gonna find a new sixth favorite. Screw you.

**new voicemail 04:12 PM**  
from: Cap  
  
Hi, A- Clint. This is Steve Rogers. Listen, I don’t wanna stick my nose in it, but we’re having some trouble tracking you down. Tony said you left in a hurry, so we’re just a little concerned. Just stick your hand up and wave. See you later.

**txt from POTTS 04:28:13 PM:** Tell me about lunch!

**txt from Natasha R. 04:35:07 PM:** Later. Lots to talk about.

**txt from POTTS 04:37:22 PM:** Good things?

**txt from Natasha R. 04:39:18 PM:** Good things.

**call transcript 05:02 PM**  
from: Clint  
  
05:02:03: Clint?  
05:02:04: Why do I have, like, thirty missed calls from everyone I know?  
05:02:07: Where the hell have you been?  
05:02:10: At the range. What’s going on?  
05:02:14: Why didn’t you pick up?  
05:02:19: Because then you’d have to stop complaining about how I never pick up my phone, and I don’t want to take that joy from you. And it was on silent. And I was, y’know, shooting things.  
05:02:31: Clint....  
05:02:33: Jesus. Fury called? Are we in crisis mode?  
05:02:42: What? No. Listen. About Connecticut....  
05:02:49: Yeah, what’s up with that?  
05:02:54: ...What?  
05:02:58: So I looked at the motorpool log, ‘cause I was trying to remember what street that arms storage we raided was on ‘cause it was just a couple of blocks from the only real Swedish restaurant in the city. And I found this place once, like, five years ago, so I wanted to figure out how to get back. But then I saw you’d logged all these drives to New Haven, and I couldn’t figure out what they were for.  
05:03:25: Clint, you know I wouldn’t....  
05:03:32: Yeah, yeah. I know that. It just stuck in my head, y’know? Had to work it out, but I didn’t want you to know I was being all creepy stalker, so I asked Stark for help.  
05:03:54:I’m going to go ahead and say that was your first mistake.  
05:04:01: Right? He couldn’t figure it out, either, but then he started digging up all this legal stuff. I don’t know. I guess I got a little paranoid. Then you called and said you were on your way, but I was still kinda worked up. Figured I’d shoot some shit, get my head on straight, and you’d come find me.  
05:04:12: Oh god, I’m so sorry.  
05:04:17: Don’t worry about it. I swear I wasn’t hiding. I just zoned.  
05:04:20: You’re not angry?  
05:04:24: No way. I mean, not anymore. Mostly I’m kinda embarrassed, I guess. Also curious. And hungry. So what’s in Connecticut?  
05:04:33: ...Will you hate me if I tell you it’s a surprise?  
05:04:41: You know I hate surprises.  
05:04:46: You’ll like this one.  
05:04:50: Okay. We going now?  
05:04:53: Pack a bag. I’ll pick you up in ten.

**new voicemail 05:11 PM**  
from: CHEESE  
  
Director, this is Agent Coulson. Effective seventeen eleven hours, Agent Barton and I are on leave and will be out of contact for a minimum of seventy-two hours. I’m invoking sigma clause, subsection H, of the SHIELD priority personnel contract, as well as article twelve of our established Bro Code. Don’t you dare call me.

**END NEW MESSAGES**


End file.
